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Community Corner

The Mystery of Children's Moods

Children acting out can be a sign of a bigger issue than simple defiance

Every parent has a moment when his or her child completely loses it. Tears, tantrums, and an absolute meltdown. It has definitely happened with my kids more than once. It seems like everything is going great, and out of nowhere the tear factory opens and everything from the ketchup being empty to a sibling looking the wrong way causes complete chaos. When the tantrums come out of the blue, it’s especially hard for me to keep my cool.

When my children are being overdramatic, I usually react first with frustration and then misunderstanding. After all, it is much easier to blame their crazy behavior on them not handling their emotions well than looking for more clues. Let’s face it, most children under the age of, oh, 18, don’t handle their emotions as well as they will when they’re older. Sometimes, the outward bursts can be more than just mishandled emotions; they can be serious cries of something larger going on.

When my four year old was picked up from preschool last week, she was sulky and upset. My husband repeatedly asked her what was going on. With no answers, he did what any desperate Dad would do. He took her to Subway and let her have chocolate chip cookies for lunch. It wasn’t until I was home later and able to talk to her that I discovered she had her feelings hurt by another child. It took some prying and creative questioning to get the truth out.

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I am sure as my children become teenagers, their moods will become more erratic and even harder to figure out where they came from. For now, when my kids are acting irritable and that they are annoyed with everything around them, I try to look for a trigger.  If they are tired or hungry, that is obviously an easy fix. Sometimes it’s a sign they are getting sick.

My middle child never complains about not feeling well. His arm could be cut off and as long as it is not inhibiting what he is currently doing, he would not say a word. The only way I know if he isn’t feeling well are his moods. When he is crying starts and crankiness ensues, it usually means he has a bug of some sort. When I miss these clues and become inpatient and a tad irrational myself, mostly because I usually feel bad I did not catch on sooner.

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As children get older and go through school, a lot of the mood swings are caused by peers and schoolwork. I am not sure how I will dig around to figure out what is going on, but I hope my kids will be open with me. I am learning just from elementary school that all it takes is one small thing at school and kids feel their entire day is ruined.

Instead of chalking up tears and drama to unstable moods and crazy kids, I try to look deeper into what is really going on. It’s easy to pass it off, but when it happens, something much bigger might be looming. It’s better to get to the heart of the mood than to just blame it on tantrums.

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